Avon

So I've been going through an Avon period lately. For Christmas, I gave my nieces in law to be (K-older's fiancée's daughters) some mark lip gloss and perfumes. Since I was putting in the order anyway...*G*...I went ahead and got myself a few things. I'm currently in LOVE with their perfume "Always". Smells like lily of the valley. Delish. I also have "Tomorrow" which is a spicer oriental type. Nummy as well.

Anyway I've been out at the Avon site looking around and they have some great deals. If you want something, or you need to stock up, get out there and do it! I think shipping is free today!

Oh, and if you don't have an Avon lady, my friend Melody is the BEST! Visit her site at www.youravon.com/melodythomas She really ROCKS!!

Christmas time is...gone...

What a nice day yesterday. Seems that everyone was pretty relaxed and not wanting to "fight" or anything. Presents were all well received and the ones everyone got for us were excellent! Totally love my Trader Joe's gift card from k-younger and M-inlaw. K-Older and D gave us a card to a new restaurant that I've been wanting to try. Way cool.

K-nephew may have a job soon. He's been having trouble because of his record. But my friend J-hole works for a janitorial service and says that they're always looking for people who will work hard. K-nephew couldn't stop smiling after I talked to J-hole.

Other than that, it's been a very very quiet day here. I slept for most of it which was REALLY nice.

Tomorrow starts me getting back into the groove of things with the house and weight loss and stuff like that. I think I've decided to go back to WWers on Saturday. It just seems like it's what works for me and I can incorporate all that I've been learning from other diet books.

Bah Humbug?

I'm feeling sad. I don't know exactly why but it's just there. Hanging over my head like some evil anti-mistletoe or something.

M is sitting in the living room playing on his work laptop. He's addicted to some game called "NetHack". I don't understand it but...hey whatever! LOL He's also watching Deal or No Deal and laughing whenever someone gets a high case. He's so sick sometimes, laughing over the disappointment of others. It makes me wonder, from time to time, just what goes on in there. *head shake* I dunno. I pray that he'll eventually find himself in a happy place where he doesn't have to take joy in the downfall of others.

Everything is clean in the kitchen. I haven't stopped all day and I feel like just sitting down in the middle of everything and bursting into tears. But I won't. I'll just ball it up and deal with it after the holiday. Just have to wrap up Grandma's gift (a picture and a gift card) and I'll be completely finished with everything for tomorrow except the salami cream cheese rolls and the other little things I'll be "cooking".

K-sis was home all alone today. L was with her asshole of a "father". I really want to go and kick the ever living hell out of that poor excuse for a human. Mom said that K-sis was in tears most of the day. If I'd have known she was going to be home all alone, I'd have said something to M and seen if he'd take me down. (I mean, what's a 2 hour trip each way between siblings? *G*) I don't know what we'd have done, but I'm sure she and I could have thought of something.

Maybe that's it. Or perhaps it's knowing that the holiday is HERE. It's almost over and I'm already feeling the post-Christmas let down. You know, the "man all that work and it's OVER in 5 minutes...tops!" feeling.

Dad's sick too. He started to vomit this afternoon. He hasn't been sick like this in about 13 years, Mom said. I guess a part of me is worried...or at least more worried than I thought I was over him being sick.

Well, time to take dinner out of the oven. Maybe I'll actually feel better after eating something. Yeah...maybe.

Hey everyone!

What's that? What have I been doing since last we chatted? Nothing much at all except for the same old same old. I have everything wrapped and ready to go with the exception of Grandma's gift card from Kroger. I'll get that tomorrow while we grocery shop.

So what is Christmas going to be like this year? Will Dad get through the day without killing my Aunt? Will K and M help with dishes? Will the guys help? Will dinner go off without a hitch or will something burn? And will I actually be treated like an adult this year instead of having instructions spelled out for me? (Like "Strawberry, get the rolls out of the oven...and use the mitts! Like duh there Mom...I didn't know hot things were, you know, HOT. *sound of head smacking the desk*)

It's not really that bad. I love my family and all of the above actually gives us stuff to laugh about and tease each other about. It's frustrating at the time but, once it's over it's over. *G*

Anyway, now that everything is done Christmas wise (except for the noshes) I decided to be productive and roll the coins I've been saving for the past 6 months. (M has been stealing quarters for his "snack" so I'm down about $20 from where I would have been.) I've saved $152.50 in the last 6 months just from "harvesting" the coins that M leaves in his car, coat, pants pockets, bed ('cause you know, he can't empty them before hitting the sheets), bedroom floor...etc. Not a bad day's work if I do say so myself. I'm not sure what I'm going to do with it yet. I may hit the post holiday sales and see if I can't (finally) find a good inexpensive vacuum cleaner that won't freakin' lose suction. It'll be our 3rd in about 5 years. Or maybe I'll get that really cool steam mop or even a steam cleaner. Perhaps some new clothes or shoes or bras (all of which are desperately needed) or something totally frivolous like some Demeter Fragrances or books. (wait, books aren't frivolous!) Or maybe I'll be a Good Berry and put it in savings. Nah. :oD

Whatever I do with it, I'm sure it'll come in handy.

Other than that, I've just been getting things done around the house. I'm enjoying myself doing what I can, as I can and then taking frequent breaks so I don't have a flair or get sick again. I've been doing pretty well with that. Now if I can just cure the freakin' insomnia I'll be doing well. Have doctor's appointments all next month so I should (hopefully) get some answers. If I remember to ask the questions. *G*

Anyway, that's about it for now. I'm going to go read (Got Fangs? by Katie Maxwell for the umpteenth time) and try very very hard to fall asleep.

I'm an Edmontosaurs

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Ahhh...

Well, it's almost time for Christmas and, with the exception of some gift cards, I'm officially done shopping. Yahoo! I don't think I've ever been done this early before.

Of course, I still have things to send out along with my Christmas cards. I'll get those done tonight and off to the post awful tomorrow.

Check out my book review blog (over on your left...see it? WildDog's book review? yeah, that's it.) to see what's been occupying my time. Finished 3 books this weekend and have started on a 4th. That's really not a lot for me but I've been busy doing other things as well.

Last night, I was hostess for my Sunday School children's program. I didn't realize how much WORK that was...and most of it was done for me before I even got there. (Thanks J and girls!) And then I was cleaning up and one of the ladies came back and helped out by washing the dishes (thanks W!) and *poof* it was all finished and we were out the door. I didn't get to see much of the program but it was one of those "cutsey" things from Group Publishing so I guess I really didn't miss much. One of these days I'll write my own Christmas play/pageant and try and get the Church to put it on. I'm tired of the "we have to make it relevant for today" mentality that seems to be rampant in most of the Christmas stuff of today. I mean, does Christ's birth EVER go out of style? Really?

I've been doing okay with the "get the chore done NOW...don't wait" thing. It really is a good feeling to just have it done and not hanging over your head.

So now I'm waiting for M to get home so we can head out to Meijer so I can get kitty food (we're down to crumbs in the bags even though the kids have full bowls), litter, some coin rollers (I'm tired of looking at the bags of coins!) and a couple of books (because it's not like I have nothing to read or anything...lol)

Nothing more to really say today. Just a lazy day. Hope I'll be able to fall asleep tonight. It's been hell getting only a few hours of sleep each night. Although I've been enjoying listening to 700 WLW and America's Trucking Network with Steve Sommers and Bubba Bo. They've been fun this past week. Interesting too. I'd still rather have a full night of sleep though.

Busy busy...

'Tis the season and all that. Been hectic 'round here as I try madly to get back into the swing of things after a recent bout of ick. I need to remember that all my clutter and housework wasn't made in a day (except what M creates) and it doesn't need to get done in a day.

I am making progress with getting into a routine. Even if it is only a routine of cleaning the litter box. Still, that's something, no?

I think routines are important. They help those of us who have memory problems (thanks chemo!) they help us to feel in control even when everything seems to be slipping away.

So, I've decided to add to my routine. I just need to decide what to add and how much to add at a time.

Been reading several diet books in a quest to find intelligent answers to the questions I've been asking myself. One of the overwhelming statements in all of the books I've read so far is "change doesn't come easily...take it slow and let one thing become habit before you start to do something else."

Heh. Change doesn't come easily. No kidding. Especially not for a Lutheran. LOL But it is sound advice. Like the litter box. I used to HATE cleaning the box because it was...well frankly...disgusting. But now that I've been doing it everyday it's not so disgusting. It's easy and rather relaxing as well. Just knowing that that one thing is DONE, that the cats have a clean place to piddle and poo so they aren't doing it all over my "to be washed" pile of clothes. (note to self: get hamper. *G*) It's freeing to have that chore DONE and out of the way. Even if I don't do it until 4 in the afternoon. At least it's done.

I need to remember this for other areas in my life. Get the chore DONE when you think of it or when you're done with whatever you've been using. (like the dishes) Once you get into the routine of putting things away when you've finished with them, the rest is a snap. Why didn't I remember this earlier? Other than the whole "I'm dying from cancer 'cause I don't know I have it" thing. *G* I guess I was either stupid, stubborn or just flat lazy.

So, that's going to be my new thing. I'm going to get myself a routine and I'm going to work at sticking to it no matter what. Unless the whole death thing comes up again...then we'll have to see.

whee

Did I tell you about my cool new toy? The swiffer sweeper? OOOHHHH it's great! No more kitty litter on the bottoms of my nice clean wet feet. Ahh.

Plus it's rechargeable so I don't have to go plugging it in when I want to use it. It's already there and waiting for me to make the floor nice 'n clean.

Now I want to get this steam mop that everyone on my email list is talking about. The Bissell Steam Mop. Man. I so want this mop. Freaks me out too since I'm like the least likely person to be all het up about a cleaning product. LOL but I do...I so do.

Anyway, today's a nice boring day. Paid some bills...made some calls for the cookie walk at Church on Sunday...gonna play with my toy...er I mean sweep the floor...and clean the bathroom later. Nice lazy type day. Ahhh.

Best of all? No Bells tomorrow. What a happy thought!

'Tis the Season to be...an Asshole?

No really. I don't know why I fail to remember from year to year just how...nasty...people can be around Consumermas. It always amazes me to be out in a store and have people shove me out of the way to get to something that, had they just said "excuse me", I'd have been happy to step out of the way.

*sigh* Come on people! Remember the TRUE meaning of the Season...Christ comes to be born a man...be born under the law to fulfill the law FOR US! He is the true gift, guys. *sheesh*

Anyway, as you can tell, M and I went out shopping today. Actually, *I* went shopping, M was just the driver. *G* Works for me. I don't have him hovering over my shoulder glaring at me because he hates to shop, he doesn't have to do anything but sit in the warm car, listen to music and play the DS. Although, I know if he DID come in there'd have been a LOT less shoving. He's 6'8" and 290lbs. He's a big scary guy. Of course, people don't need to know that under the scary there lurks the heart of a marshmallow. *G* But still.

I found a few things on my list, gonna have to hit Amazon for some things that they didn't have. Got a Swiffer vacuum that I've been wanting for the kitty pan area. Tired of getting out of the shower and having kitty litter all over my feet. It's currently charging. (heh. no pun intended but that was good for a chuckle.) Hmm...some pretty Christmas paper, a few bath 'n body needs and cold medicine (will this stupid cold never go away?) Ooh and a couple of really pretty nice skirts for Church and Christmas. I'm looking forward to wearing one of them tomorrow for my FINAL(!!!!) bell performance. And I (finally) bought my Christmas cards...they're pretty.

Other than that, nothing exciting went on at ALL. Just the same old stuff. *G* But it was a fun day. I think I wore M out...even though he did nothing.

Off to surf and see what's new, place a dang Amazon order and then read before I hit the bed.

Bored

I'm bored. Just watched 4 episodes of Buffy and it's 11:30 pm. I should be getting to bed but...I'm just not tired.

I'd watch more since I'm FINALLY past the "Riley" bits. Ug he annoyed me. Figured out where M and I left off...Doublemeat Palace is the next completely new one for the two of us. Anyway, I'd watch more but I'm just tv'd out. After bunches of Buffy, Heroes and Robot Chicken, I'm just tired of tv.

But there's nothing good on my bookshelf. Well there IS but...I'm not in the mood for it. I'm currently rereading "Size 14 is not Fat Either" by Meg Cabot but...*sigh* It's a great book and I'm looking forward to "Big Boned" but...I dunno. I guess I just want something different. I don't know what though.

Anyway, Mom and I were talking business opportunities the other day. I'm thinking I'll be giving up on the hand made jewelry for now. Everyone's getting into it and at the last craft fair there were something like 8 different vendors selling their jewelry. I didn't see anyone buying it either.

So we were discussing what I could do. I brought up the fact that I love to read and Mom asked "K, why don't you write?" Seems she's been thinking that for sometime now. I'd LOVE to write but, honestly, I don't know what to write about. I think I have good ideas but then, they all seem to fall apart.

Eh. I don't know. Maybe I'll give it a shot. I mean, what could it hurt? Right?

It's cold season. *sigh*

So, if you've been wondering where I've been, I've been spending the days hacking and sneezing with a freaking URI. I get one every year around this time but I honestly thought I wouldn't this year. I mean, I just had one in October. And September. And I think in August as well. This one was the worst though...ick.

Anyway, because of the URI, there has been nothing exciting going on in my life. Nothing at all. Well, except getting some Buffy books and finishing season 4 of Buffy and starting on season 5. (mmm Spike in romantic mode) Been reading a bunch as well.

Speaking of which, if you like reading and enjoy book reviews, check out the book review blog that I help write. http://wilddogsbookreviews.blogspot.com/ Yep, I'm the Wild in WildDog's. *G*

Anyway, I guess I should get out there and do something interesting for everyone to read about. Or at least find some more pictures of James...huh? *G*

Hope

A friend recently asked “what makes Lutherans so HAPPY over the coming end times?” It brought about a discussion of how Lutherans seem to just “take things in stride” as opposed to other Christians.

With all I could have said on the subject, the answer really comes down to just one word. Hope. Now, being thoroughly Lutheran, I have to ask “what does this mean?” The online free dictionary defines hope as “1. To look forward to with confidence or expectation or the archaic use “To have confidence; trust”

We Lutherans seem to understand the whole concept of hope in Christ based on God’s promise of salvation and that promise is a “sure thing” as it says in Hebrews 11:1 “Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.”

And because we have that confidence, we also have the "modern" type of hope. We CAN look forward to Christ's Second coming with GREAT Confidence and Expectation! We can do so because, when it all boils down, Jesus did it all FOR us. As Luther said in the Explanation to the 3rd article of the Apostles' Creed: "We can not, by our own reason or strength, come to faith in Christ Jesus, or come to Him; but the Holy Ghost has called me by the Gospel, enlightened me with His gifts, sanctified and kept me in the true faith; even as He calls, gathers, enlightens, and sanctifies the whole Christian Church on earth, and keeps it with Jesus Christ in the one true faith; in which Christian Church He forgives daily and richly all sins to me and all believers, and at the last day will raise up me and all the dead, and will give to me and to all believers in Christ everlasting life."

Because of this hope, this complete confidence and trust we can have in God, we Lutherans should be nothing but happy and joyfully LONGING for the end times to come. It doesn’t mean that bad things will never happen to us, but it DOES mean that because of God’s boundless grace, His absolute love that gave us forgiveness through the death and resurrection of our Lord, that, even in the hour of our deepest need, we can have that hope, clear and true, that we are forgiven and we will see salvation.

Amen. Even so, Come Lord Jesus! Amen.

Great post by a great poster...

Want something to chew on while going about your daily grind?

Read the newest post from DogMom...

What I believe and What I realized

Amen, my friend. Amen.

More yummy James

So I found some more delish pictures of James. Mmm Mmm Mmm.




I mean, honestly, could the man BE any more mouthwatering?



I mean, great googlily moogily! Look at those CHEEKS...those EYES...



That smile...*swoons*



Oh HOLLY CARP...I do believe I'm gonna faint.



mmm and a new favorite...from his CD...



Have I mentioned that you HAVE TO GO AND GET THIS NOW??? I have? Well it was worth mentioning again. *G*

OH OH OH...look how cute he is here...LOL Adorable!



Okay, gonna go kill things on Guild Wars since I can't take out my...uh frustrations...any other way. *wink* Enjoy the pix! (and drop me a line if you've liked 'em! I'd love to know other James fans...and anyone else who reads this thing.)

ETA: Found another yummy one I had to share...



Heh. YUM.

Woo HOO

From James Marsters Website....

[11-6-07] James has been contracted to read his fifth book on tape in the Dresden Files book series. Although Death Masks is the next book in sequence, he will be recording Small Favor, which is the most recent in the series and, according to the Dresden Files website, due for release April, 2008. James will be in the studio later this month to begin the project. A new publishing company, Penguin Audio, has been hired to release the book. More details to be posted when available.

If you haven't read the Dresden Files books...GO NOW!!! Run to your bookstore and get them all.

And then go to Jimbutcher.com and see what else is out there. Because Harry rocks.

Review: James Marsters "Like a Waterfall"

There aren't enough words that mean the same as "fabulous" in any language to describe how wonderful this album is.

James has done it again. LaW is a bit more bluesy than Civilized Man, but still has that Rock/Pop/Dance edge to it that I love in CM. He has more of a "Rest in Peace" feel to the album than he did in CM.

I won't go into a description of the songs...yet. I want to listen to it a few hundred more times before I can give a totally honest review.

But seriously folks, if you like James in Buffy, Smallville, Without a Trace...give him a try as a musician. You will NOT regret it.

Excited

Like A Waterfall just came in the mail. I haven't even opened the cellophane yet and already I love the cd. GREAT pictures of James on the front and back of the cover.

*sigh* *drool* *sigh*

I know it's going to be great. How can it be anything BUT great? *G*


Okay, opened it. No more pix on the inside but there is a wee little note from James that is sweet. No, I won't tell you what it is. *G* You'll just have to buy it and see.

Can't wait to hear it. Gonna go plug in the cd player and get busy!

Review later.

After 2 am...

M and I just got back from an emergency trip to the store. He broke his glasses and I couldn't find the super glue. *sigh* Luckily, he can see with my glasses so he did that to drive and I ran into the store and got some super glue.

It irks me on many levels that this has happened. M desperately needs new glasses but he keeps putting them off. "They're too expensive" *sigh* I guess now that he works for a company that actually MAKES the frames and OWNS the stores that sell them (at least on a contract to hire basis) it sort of makes sense to wait until he's hired full time. But still. It's a bit of a pet peeve.

Then there's the fact that I KNOW we have super glue in the house but I couldn't FIND the super glue. Oh where did he put it after using it the last time? Needless to say, I have no clue.

Hence the 2 am trip to the grocery.

Now it's almost 2:30 and I'm wide awake (it's freakin' FREEZING out there!) and I have weight watchers at 9 am. This I don't want to go to but I must. I've gained so much back in the height of my dramallamaness (ie: the depression) that I fear I've almost reached the starting point...again.

Feh. I really want to know who came up with the stupidest phrase of all "Nothing tastes as good as thin feels" so I can glue his or her lips shut with the super glue I just bought.

I mean, honestly, if thin REALLY felt better than any food on the face of the planet, would we REALLY have the obesity problem that is so prevalent in the world, especially the USA, that we have? Get with it folks! NOTHING feels as good as that damn Cinnabon tasted last night. *G* Well...maybe a nice lip lock with one of the two guys I currently adore...one for real and one for imagination time. *wink*

But I wouldn't have this problem if food didn't taste good. And it soooo tastes good.

*sigh* I remember I promised to write up my "reasons to take back control" and post them. I guess I forgot in the midst of that cinnamon stickiness. I'll get right on that...after I hit the sheets and dream a little dream of James...

*G*

Payin' the bills

Wheest. I'm glad that's over for the next 2 weeks. I'm still learning the ropes of how M wants everything paid. I'm glad, though, that I can do this for him. Takes the pressure off of him and saves us from those pesky late fees!

Need to go back out to Jamesmarsters.com and re-order a copy of Like a Waterfall. Wanna buy it for yourself? Go to the Merchandise page. I'm so excited. LOVED Civilized Man. I'm still listening to it every night before I head to sleep. Of course, there are some of the tunes that make me want to dance right out of bed...LOL

I'm on Shelfari now. Since I love to read and will read anything I get my hands on, I thought it would be cool to catalog it so others can see what I've been reading. Look for me by the name WildStrawberry. Add me as a friend if you'd like!

Willow has been warming up to me lately. Let me snorgle her a little bit while I was in the tub. She's a silly little girl but she's growing like a weed! She came to us at 1.5 lbs and in the first week doubled her weight. I'm curious to see how much she weighs when she goes for her spay next week.

Mmm I think it's time for a nap. *yawn* Have a great day everyone! Remember, if you wanna be a demonstrator for Gold Canyon, see my previous post! It's really a fun filled great job that you can do full time, part time or even just the occasional party. Great for SAHM, Retirees or people who just want to be their own bosses.

Business Opportunities

So I've been asked by Mom to figure out a way to get the word out in the UK of the new Home based Business Opportunities available through Gold Canyon. If anyone has a way to do this...let me know.

The company, Gold Canyon, is the maker of some really fine candles, bath and body products and candle accessories. They are one of the fastest growing Party based sales companies in the US, they recently opened up to Canada and, as of October 1st 2007, people in the UK can become demonstrators and get in on the ground floor of the market.

If I have any UK readers and you're interested in learning more about this opportunity...and it's really a great one, the candles sell themselves...give me a shout in the comments part or give me an email at kaemea at gmail dot com and let me know in the subject that you're interested in the candle biz.

I used to be a huge Yankee Candle fan until I tried Gold Canyon. GC is superior in every way, from having a higher scent concentration, being double wicked for better burning (you lose no wax because the candle burns evenly, unlike single wicked candles) to having food grade paraffin wax that burns at a lower temperature so if any of the kidlets accidentally pulls one over on themselves, they won't get a scalding burn. You can literally blow the candle out and stick your finger into the melted wax and it won't burn you. It'll be hot...I mean it IS melted wax...but it won't BURN you.

So, anyone reading this...even y'all from Canada and the US...who is interested in getting in on this exciting business...give me a shout out!

For all the US people out there, if you sign up before the 30th of November or the first 2500...which ever comes first...you'll receive your demonstrator kit, a value of $360, for only shipping and handling costs. The only thing you need to do is sell $1000 worth of product, usually done within your first 3 parties, in the first 42 days after receiving your kit, to keep your kit for free. UK and Canada people, this opportunity may be available to you, check the website at www.goldcanyoncandle.com.

To sign up without going through me, head out to Gold Canyon's website, click become a demonstrator, and when asked for demonstrator name use BENHASE and demonstrator ID # use 441898.

Happy and Blessed Reformation Day!!

Luther said it best when he said:

"Unless I am convinced by the testimony of the Holy Scriptures or by evident reason—for I can believe neither pope nor councils alone, as it is clear that they have erred repeatedly and contradicted themselves—I consider myself convicted by the testimony of Holy Scripture, which is my basis; my conscience is captive to the Word of God. Thus I cannot and will not recant, because acting against one's conscience is neither safe nor sound. God help me. Amen."


May everyone who reads this have a blessed day in the Lord!

The yum that is James Marsters

Oh he's delicious...



Isn't he?



And one more...just so I can drool when I see my blog. :o)



Ah hell, who am I kidding...another one...'cause I know you're drooling too...

This is for you, DogMom

Just 'cause I loves youse...



There...did I make you smile?

and of course I got side tracked

I am a Violet What Flower Are You?

Random Product Reviews

So. I've been playing Guild Wars for about a month now. Love it. Have 2 of the games, Nightfall and Factions. Both excellent, both not as hard as one would expect. And the best part? They have free online play. Free. You buy the game and play online for free. Love it.

And then there's the James Marsters cd Civilized Man. Again, I love it. I think I've listened to it about a bazillionty times since Wed and it just keeps getting better. I can not WAIT for Like a Waterfall which debuts tonight in LA. Sure hope my copy arrives SOON!!! I highly recommend finding a copy of Civilized Man and seeing for yourself how wonderful Mr. Marsters really is. The man pretty much has it all, looks, voice, acting ability...now, I wanna see him dance. And if I could work in a kiss...LOL

OOH. Stash Tea's Decaf Pumpkin Spice is really pretty good. Sort of a holiday type chai. Not much pumpkin in there but lots of the pumpkin pie type spices. Head on out and get yourself some. It's really worth it.

I know I had other reviews...of course now I can't remember any of them. LOL And as it's 03:33 I think I should toddle off to bed.

g'nite all!

What is it with people?

Huh? I mean, after you've been bugged to tell your deepest darkest secret,you open your heart, you tell things you swore you'd never tell another living soul and then *BAM* they turn on you.

Or they just ditch you. Toss you out like yesterday's news. Decide "oh, I don't want to be your friend anymore."

Could be that, in the "interest" of being your "friend" they toss your secret back into your face and tell you what a horrible person you are for having said, done, been...whatever.

I just don't get it, folks. Why are people so damn hateful? Why can't they see that, even though *I* may be different in one way or another, I'm really still the same person they knew before they badgered my secret from me.

I'll just never understand people. And yeah, if you're reading this, you know who the hell you are.

Oh yeah...Kitty update

Aggie came through the surgery just fine. She had 3 teeth pulled and was spayed and micro-chipped. She's such a little trouper. :o)

I've been giving her the antibiotics and can say that she's thoroughly unimpressed with me shooting the stuff in her mouth. Poor punkin. But she's been really good about everything and only growled a little bit at me today. M's not at ALL good at scruffing her or helping in any way shape or form, so I get to be the "bad guy" and give everyone the meds.

Willow is a little scared of both Mike and I. I think her recent trip to the vet gave her the wiggins. Silly little sweetie. She'll snuggle with M but Mommy seems to be the "Big Bad", as Spike would say. *sigh* She'll let me cuddle her IF I can catch her. So I've been bribing her with treats and letting her know that Mommy is the "bringer of all things nummy" :o) It seems to be helping.

Started everyone on lysine today. 1/2 a capsule in everyone's food but Aggie's. Aggie gets a full 500mg every day. I sure hope this helps everyone!

Not bad...Not bad at all

So. After 3 weeks (well 6 really) of stuffing my feelings down with food and Halloween candy and ignoring my WWers stuff, I decided to Take Back Control. (more on that later)

Went to Weight Watchers today and found I've ONLY gained 4.5 lbs. WOO HOO! I was expecting something like 10. So you can imagine that I'm really okay with the 4.5. :o)

Got home and I've had 1/2 my water for the day and a bowl of, ug, oatmeal. I usually like the oatmeal but it wasn't very good today. Maybe I used too much milk.

Anyway, I've got some TBC things I'm working on implementing. I'll share 'em later on once I've finished them all.

Yay! ONLY 4.5!!!

Vet time.

Well we took Aggie and Willow to the vet today. Willow got her kitten check up and Aggie was acting like she had something in her mouth and couldn't get it out.

Willow checked out fine. She has a little conjunctivitis but we have meds for that. She's going back in 2 weeks for her spay and microchip procedures. Xander gets to go too for his last set of kitten vaccines.

Aggie has dental problems. She's staying overnight tonight, they're going to fix her teeth, spay her and microchip her. Then she has to stay over tomorrow night as well.

*sniff sniff* I miss my Aggie!!

M told me tonight that he's really happy we got the kittens. Willow was languishing at the shelter...she was only 1.5 lbs at 12 weeks! She's already put on another 1.5 and is willing to eat just about anything we give her. M said that he's glad we get to be her Mommy and Daddy and he's just enchanted with both her and Xander. Xander loves to lay on Daddy's lap and purr purr purr. Willow rode on Mommy's shoulder in the car and was a total angel girl.

So, now it's pray and wait for Aggie to come through the surgery. I miss her. Poor sweetiekins!

Kae

*sigh*

I'm sleepy and bored. Not a good combo because when I'm bored, I don't feel like sleeping and when I'm sleepy I don't feel like doing anything constructive. I have laundry I could be washing, beads I could be making, jewelry projects to work on, decluttering to do...but I don't want to do any of them. It's Sunday, a day of rest and relaxation.

Actually, what I WANT to do is go to Michaels for a bit jewelry demonstration they're doing. M says he'll take me but he doesn't know what HE would do. I told him to just take the DS and I'll be out as soon as I've seen everything. Which, knowing me, could take a couple of hours. LOL

So we're compromising. He's playing the DS right now (he's addicted to a card game called President) and I'm going to go and separate laundry for tomorrow's washing. Then we'll head out to Michaels and perhaps the grocery store (I have NOTHING to cook with...LOL) and then home for a light dinner and some more Buffy.

I'm loving Season 3 and we're only 2 dvds into the season. I know I don't care for the Faith storyline since I've seen the last half of the season...but once season 3 is over, Spike comes back! Yum. Lurve me some Spike.

OH! And I ordered the 2 James Marsters cds. If you haven't heard them, GO NOW to JamesMarsters.com and check out his website. Love his voice. Love it love it love it.

Anthony Stewart Head (Giles) also has a great cd out called Music for Elevators. Excellent stuff. Especially if you're into indie stuff. So need to find more indie bands for listening pleasures.

Another good indie band...a Christian one...is Lost and Found. (www.speedwood.com) Great music, unique sound, wonderful songs. Nothing bad in the bunch IMHO. LOVE them.

Okay. Now I'm just procrastinating. Off to sort filth and depravity.

Ahh what a day

Heh. I cleaned out M's car today. Harvested almost $47 in change. The man needs to remember to bring it INTO the house. LOL

Feels good to have the car cleaned out. I don't even know if he knows that I did it yet. Can't wait to see his expression. LOL Wish he'd wake up from his "nap" so we can go and vacuum it and wash it.

In other news, the kittens are rambunctious. Willow is really turning around and has already gained a half a pound! I really think that she was languishing at the pound and, if she hadn't been rescued, she'd have died soon. At 12 weeks, she was only 1.5 pounds. Now she'd 2 pounds! In only a week at home! *G* She loves to play "chase me" and will trill at you as she runs off. Silly girl.

Xander may eventually become Edgar II. M can't wrap his mind around "Xander" because Xan is very like Edgar I. I'm still holding out for Xander. It just fits him. He cuddled with me most of the night last night purring his heart out and sleeping on his back so I could rub his tummy. Silly little boy.

Man, the house seems so full now. The older cats, Aggie and Oscar, are slowly but surely getting used to the "wee beasties" as M calls them. I think I may try the Feliway for Aggie so she can calm down and just be the sweet puss that she is. She's such a special punkin' and Oscar is a good boy. He hisses a little when Xander scares him (Willow is scared of Oscar. I don't blame her! He's 17 lbs of cat. She's only 2! LOL) but doesn't hit or growl.

I can't believe it's been almost a week since we got them. Sweet babies all of them.

Sad day

I left a group of friends today. They were friends inside my computer, friends I'd never met. But they were friends. People who have gone through the traumatic times these past 2 years.

There were some comments made that were taken out of context. Feelings were hurt, things were said in the heat of the moment, things said that should have been left unsaid, especially in a public forum...

I'm going to miss them. I'm going to miss the fact that I could reach out when I had something to say. To let them know the little details of my day. To hear about their day.

But I can't be around some of the negative things that are going on there. And I don't want to be thought of as "that bitch".

So I've let go.

I hurt. But I'll be okay.

another picture

This is Willow. She's very into getting her picture taken. Xander is still at the shelter waiting for his neutering. They wouldn't allow me to bring them both home at the same time since they were opposite sex kittens. *sigh* But he'll be home tomorrow night!

Picture of the new babies

I'm a Mommy again!

So M and I decided to give a home to two sweet kitties. They're 11 weeks old and are "twins". Xander and Willow are our two sweeties.

Oscar and Aggie aren't quite sure what to think. There's been a bit of hissing but no one has hit anyone yet. *G*

Cutie pies at the shelter

I took this video of some wee ones on Saturday. They were so funny wanting to suck on my fingers. The little bold one (usually on the left of me) would suck my finger and then start backing up like "hey, come in HERE!" LOL They were adorable.

Much better

Thanks to all who read the blog and emailed me. I really am better now! *G*

I went to the Doc and told her all about the crap I've been feeling and she switched my medication. So I'm still on meds for the anxiety but now I have something that's taking care of the depression as well. And it won't affect my...uh..."love" life.

*blush*

Of course, good news just can't come without bad news too.

Got my blood test results back from the doc. My HDL is too low (like REALLY low) and my LDL is high (but not extremely so.) So, more low fat dieting (hooray for WWers! I think I'm going to try CORE) and I need to get off my fat white butt and exercise!

Other bad news ('cause you don't think life would just hand me something I could actually take care of right?) Grandma is in the hospital with a possible bowel obstruction. She's most likely going to have to have surgery. *sigh* She's 87 and not in the best of health even though she's as sassy as ever. *G* I love my Grandma...want to have as much energy as she usually has when *I* am 87.

So, if anyone who reads this could PLEASE pray for her? I'd be most appreciative!

So what's changed?

I feel nothing.

Well, that's not precisely true. I feel sadness. An ever deepening sense of not giving a shit about everything and anything.

I feel lost. Alone. Unwanted. Unhappy. Uncaring. Uncared for. A lot of other Un stuff.

I stuff myself thinking that the hole inside of me will be filled up. And it is. Filled with loathing, self hatred, despair, anger, hatred, frustration.

I was doing so well. I was happy, losing weight, feeling and getting healthy. Why? Why the fuck can't satan leave me alone. Stupid asshole has no right to play with me. Has no right to make me feel like this. I can't fight anymore. I can't...

Note to self...movie to see

P.S. I Love You.

Yeah, just 'cause James Marsters is in it. But still. He's a fabulous actor.

Mmm.

Meloncholia

You were here last night, in my dreams, holding me, laughing with me, kissing me.

We lay there, in my dream, in blissful silence. Just together one more time.

And then the alarm rang and you were gone. I don't know if you will ever return, if I'll ever feel your lips on my neck, your arms wrapped around me holding me close, keeping me safe, making me weak.

Where are you now?

It's been 2 years today

2 years ago today I was admitted to the hospital for severe anemia and a blood clot in my leg. I was 35 years old.

Today marks the 2nd anniversary of my ordeal with chronic anemia, blood clots, coumadin (BLECH) and cancer.

All in all, it's been a difficult 2 years. I've had to learn about sudden intense food allergies, (black pepper) How to cope with chronic debilitating pain, coping with memory problems, the inability to drive anywhere by myself because I can't focus and I tend to forget I'm driving...while I'm driving.

But, the learning has helped me realize that I'm strong. I CAN cope with the pain, the memory loss, the constant exhaustion and the other various things that have gone on with my body. I've learned to deal with humiliation (like pooing myself in a store because of the radiation, or having to sit on a "litter box" (bed pan) in front of a doctor. Heck, being naked for just about every doctor visit for a year and a half. Body issues? Heh.)

I've learned what it means to be ALONE, and yet, I've learned just how much my family and friends love me.

For what it's worth, I'm grateful to that stupid blood clot.

Weight. Watching it go UP, watching it go DOWN

So I missed weigh in today. I KNEW I was going to gain because I've been half assing the program and being all hedonistic in my eating and thinking "like who really cares if I shovel down 10 handfuls of m&m's?" Or "I REALLY want the breakfast bar at Frisch's and since it's Saturday I don't have to worry about points.

And so I've gained. MY scale says it's 3-4 lbs in the last week. That's not good. Of course you know that I, being who I am, had the mental thoughts of "well, M loves me anyway" and "well, I've blown it so who gives a flying one? I'm just going to quit."

Then, today when I was heading to the 'fridge for something I didn't really want and wasn't even hungry for, that would make me feel sick if I ate it, I saw a little slip of paper that I guess M put up there. It's a slip from a fortune cookie and it says "Don't give up. Everyone is rooting for you!"

Man. That made the whatever it was that I was going to eat (and it really WAS whatever. I had no clue what my hand was going to pull out when I reached into the 'fridge, but I'd have eaten it.) just seem not that important. I made a quicky inventory of my tum and, would you believe it, I wasn't hungry. *G* So I grabbed a diet vernors and came into the computer room to do some organizing.

Organizing is my new kick it seems. I'm really enjoying the feeling of purging things that aren't needed, wanted or even remembered. Clutter is much less even if I only purge for 5 minutes.

So, thinking about that, now I have a desire to purge my mind of all those damn negative thoughts that Satan insists on putting in there. I have to remember that I'm not doing this for anyone but me. I have to learn to forgive myself, get on with losing the weight because I WANT to lose it for my health. And really, to be honest, I want to look sexy too. :o)

He sticks like glue

Snug. Secure. Attached. Connected. Immovable. Bonded. Superglued.

These words describe the way that sticky stuff takes 2 separate objects and makes them one.

I like these words. Especially since they describe my relationship with God during some really tough times in my life. God never gives up on us no matter how hard we try to get ourselves loose. God just does not let go.

Which isn't to say that He controls everything we do like putting a bridle on a horse or a leash on a dog. He gives us each common sense and a spirit that can communicate with His.

When we go through afflictions, He lets us choose our response and no matter what that choice is, He sticks around to the bitter end.

I've often thought, as I've been randing at God about how unfair life is and "Darn it God, why is it always ME???", that God is smiling at me and thinking , "Go ahead. Wear those ranty pants. I can take it and I'll still be here when you're done."

And He is. Every time.

We can take solace in the fact that God is close. He isn't going anywhere no matter how scary things get. He can be there in a heartbeat if needed.

That must be how Job felt when he said "Though he slay me, Yet I will hope in him. (Job 13:15 KJV) Job trusted God even when the worst that could happen, DID happen. Or what Abraham was feeling when he took his son up the mountain to sacrifice him, to make the ultimate sacrifice to the Lord.

How hard the emotional battles must have been for these men. From the raw material of pain, grief and loss, their words of faith were wrested from them.

Our afflictions are not designed to break us. They are designed to bend us toward the eternal, the holy.

God sticks with us through it all. Even when we don our "ranty pants".

The Apostle Paul said that, no matter how much we try to pry ourselves loose, God doesn't separate from us.

(Romans 8:35, 38-39 NIV)

"Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword?

For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord."

Dear God,
Thank you for sticking to us like glue even when we rant and rave against life's unfairness. Help us to remember that "Nothing can separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord."

In Jesus' Name we pray,
Amen.

Rest in Peace Madeline

And thank you for all the wonderful memories I have of Meg and Charles Wallace, Calvin and the twins Sandy and Denny.

The Ring of Endless Light...A Wind in the Door...A Wrinkle in Time...Some of my childhood favorites.

Rest in Peace Madeline. We'll miss you.

New York Times story

Oh MY GOODNESS!

What a hungry kitty cat!

What a weekend!

Not that we did anything spectacular or anything. Himself took me to a couple of Half Price Books Bookstores and I loaded up on hardbacks of favorite books and a few new things to tide me by when I have nothing to read. (you just can't have a day with nothing to read!!!)

Also picked up a 8 translation parallel Bible for under $20. It's only the New Testament but it's really cool to have all these translations in one place. It even has the Holman Christian Standard version and the Message. I like the Message for a good paraphrase...for when you just want to have something in everyday language. It's not a good version for Bible study and it has many things that I don't really agree with...but it's nice to have for those times when you want to read of God but don't have the patience to read a more thorough translation.

Hmm. Finally finished my "Maggie Kelly and Viscount St. Just" collection. Maggie Without a Clue was evading my attempts to buy it in hardback! But the HPB in Mason (I'd never been there...it's NICE) had a copy. YOINK! It's now happily on my bookshelf.

The "books for a book-less day" books are Debbie Macomber's Cedar Cove series. I love Debbie but haven't gotten into these books. I decided to buy them all (except for the very newest one which they didn't have) since I know once I get into them I won't be able to stop. *G* Potato chip books.

Oh and a new copy of Jim Butcher's Dresden Files "Storm Front". If you haven't read of Wizard Harry Dresden...RUN...do NOT walk to your nearest library, bookstore, used bookstore (if you can find them there!) and get them. You won't be sorry. They're fun, a little scary and quite intense at times. LOVE Harry. LOVE Bob. Too much fun.

Other than that, my weekend was a 'bore'. I was to teach Sunday School Sunday, had my lesson all ready to go and...NO kids showed up. I was a little upset. Not mad upset but sad upset. I love teaching and *sigh* wish I could have done it Sunday. *G* But, seeing as it was Labor Day weekend and all, I realize most people were out of town. Not to mention Pastor D was preaching and...he tends to get quite windy and rather "off track". He forgot to give the common cup at my communion table. We had to remind him. *sigh* I love him though. It's nice to hear him preach again. I will, however, be glad that Pastor F. will be back next Sunday. *G*

Lunar Eclipse

I just got in from watching the eclipse. Watched from start to completely full. Oh wow. I love things like this.

It was so cool to see the moon being "eaten up" a bit at a time. And then that last breathtaking moment just as the last tiny sliver slips away and you can see the glow of red-orange fire...

All I could think was "how magnificent are your works O Lord"

All Himself could say was "that's it? I didn't expect it to reflect that much light."

He's so unromantic.

But the eclipse. Way cool.

Now, sleep. I'm way tired.

Strange Dreams...

So, I've been dreaming a lot lately. Strange dreams full of weird things.

Latest dream has me laying next to the road in a bank of grass writing a letter to someone I "know" (read know of) on a message board. Someone comes along and I realize that it's the replacement Pastor for this week at Church. (Actually, Pastor IS out of town but our replacement is one of our retired members who is a former Pastor.) Turns out this guy is someone else I know from the same message board. So I take him home with me and try my darnedest to make him comfortable and stuff. Getting him something to drink (he was in a hooded parka while walking along so I offered him cocoa but he turned that down saying it was way too hot for cocoa. Which it is. But then, why the parka? This was never answered.) like kool-aid and trying to get things all ready for him to be up the next day for church. He scoffed at every offer. *roll eyes* (now I know this guy on the message board is a nice guy and wouldn't be a dick...but?)

Anyway, somehow Pastor is there and he yelled at me for being topless (!) in front of the Pastor sub. I have no clue.

Switch the dream to going grocery shopping. People I know from the library, hospital and other places are milling around looking at this billboard and acting all excited. I ask "what's going on?" and someone told me that "Jesus is coming back in the form of the new Pope!!" To which I (rightly) tried to explain that the Pope is NOT Jesus, no matter WHAT he tries to say.

It kept going on like that until I woke up with tears on my face from frustration at trying to get people to listen to me that the Pope is not God...he isn't Jesus. He can't save anyone!

But no one would listen. And then other "savior" types started into the mix...which is when I woke up.


Sometimes I wonder if our dreams ARE like the prophets of old...not all the time but...sometimes...

This is just too cute

Yay me! LOL

You're The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe!

by C.S. Lewis

You were just looking for some decent clothes when everything changed
quite dramatically. For the better or for the worse, it is still hard to tell. Now it
seems like winter will never end and you feel cursed. Soon there will be an epic
struggle between two forces in your life and you are very concerned about a betrayal
that could turn the balance. If this makes it sound like you're re-enacting Christian
theological events, that may or may not be coincidence. When in doubt, put your trust
in zoo animals.


Take the Book Quiz
at the Blue Pyramid.

Memory...or not

Don't you hate it when you have a really good idea that you want to blog about but, as soon as you sit down at the computer the idea flies out of your head?

*sigh* I'm ready for a new brain. One that won't forget everything 2 seconds after I think it.

*G*

Panic Attacs SUCK

Bleh. Had a whopper of a panic attack on Tuesday. Couldn't get it to stop no matter what I tried, couldn't get a hold of anyone so I finally called 911.

Embarrassing but necessary. The police officer was a sweetie and the EMT guys all joked with me about firing up the grill and making 'em lunch. *G* I'd have done it too, if I had a grill.

To top all that off, I need to have a root canal. *laughs* Sometimes I wonder about my life. But it's all good. Went to the dentist on Wednesday and Himself wasn't going to stay with me but, when he saw me shaking (like I have never shook before...seriously!) he decided to blow off the first hour of work and then work through lunch to make it up. No matter how much I get grumpy at him, he's the man of my dreams. I got a good one. *smiles*

A note.

Dear Self,

In the future, please remember that, while it is really really good that you're cleaning the bathroom, don't forget to wear your glasses.

Also, Icy Hot =/= deodorant.


Painfully,

Me

Much better now

We argued it out. He sees where I am frustrated...I see where he is...well being himself. *sigh*

Anyway, it's over. I'm happy if still frustrated by the lack of staples (oh milk oh milk...where art thou milk?) and the thought that tomorrow I have to make dinner with pretty much nothing.

Yeah, I guess it's my fault for letting things get so low but, it's like pulling teeth from a caterpillar to get him to stop at the grocery...even when we're already out and about. And he did say we could go "if you just run in, get the milk and come back out." but I needed much more than milk. At least I made a damn list instead of expecting him to just wander around the store with me while I piddle farted around hemming and hawing.

*SIGH*

Oof.

BUT...I saw a knitting book that he said I could buy. Knit 2 Together by Tracy Ullman and Mel Clark. He's going to be happy when he finds that the $28 book is actually $5.50! *G* I just love a bargain and this is a GREAT book. Just got it home from the library and was flipping through...immediately started knitting a flower...so fun!

It's nice to be able to vent here though. I don't think he knows the address. Shall have to ponder giving it to him. *G*

GRRRR

So angry and frustrated right now.

Desperately need to hit the grocery for staples...totally out of Milk and good things for WWers. Himself said Tuesday "we'll go tomorrow". Wednesday: "we'll go tomorrow." Tonight. "we'll shop Saturday at 12:01 am while you get Harry Potter."

DAMMIT. I WANT TO GO NOW.

And it's not a matter of getting in the car and going myself. I. CAN'T. DRIVE. Not that I don't know how to drive...medically I CAN'T DRIVE.

So I'm expected to keep all of this inside myself and not let it out because it's his prerogative to just change plans on me whenever he freakin' feels like it.

Oh but God help me when *I* do it to him.


If I didn't love the asshole so much I'd bash him in the conk.


[/vent]

For the love of BOB People!

Get this straight.

They're = They Are. As in "They're going to the theater"

Their = "Their seats at the theater were very good ones.

There = "They went to the theater over there."


Please, for the love of all that is good and kind in the world LEARN THIS CRAP WILL YA?

Crankily,

Me

Feeling kinda down

Don't know why really. I guess I'm over coagulated. I have the symptoms. Dammit. If I am, I'll bet The Doc will send me to be an inpatient for at least a night. I don't want to go. *sigh*

Just feel like crying. Tired. Can't focus.

Gah. I freakin' hate days like this. Even Second Life isn't cheering me up. (Virtual Shopping anyone?)

Guess I'll hit a hot bath and a book and see how things go from there.

Food recommendation

Tyson now has antibiotic free chicken. May I just say that I did NOT know that antibodies could make such a difference in the taste and texture of chicken.

I grilled up some of the skinless boneless boo...uh...breasts last night. (yay for George Foreman and his grill!) Sliced it, slapped it into a la tortilla factory tortilla (YUM) added some mixed spring greens and a bit of Asian dressing and...

nearly fainted from the foodgasm.

Had to try it straight from the grill and it was even better. Juicy. Tender. More like the chicken I remember from childhood.

Really, folks. Give this one a total try. YUM.

Why honey? Just why?

Why in the name of all that is and isn't in this world can't he put something where it belongs?

I mean, he gets close...I'll give him that. But it was one tiny little movement to put the used salad bag into the garbage can instead of on the sink next to the garbage can. Or the milk back into the fridge instead of on the counter next to the fridge...or...or...or...

And these all happened tonight. He wonders why the house gets so cluttered so quickly. Well if I'm in pain and can't do much, the stuff just piles up. Then he gets cranky and I get stressed and the pain levels rise until I'm in bed for days at a time...

It drives me crazy. But I love him and that's really all that matters in this world. He's mine. I'm his.

Warts and all.

So, here I am.

A blog. Really. Me writing a blog. Seems weird doesn't it? I mean, I like to write but often think I'm boring. C'est la vie and all that I guess.

Anyway, here I am out in the open for all to read.