I feel nothing.
Well, that's not precisely true. I feel sadness. An ever deepening sense of not giving a shit about everything and anything.
I feel lost. Alone. Unwanted. Unhappy. Uncaring. Uncared for. A lot of other Un stuff.
I stuff myself thinking that the hole inside of me will be filled up. And it is. Filled with loathing, self hatred, despair, anger, hatred, frustration.
I was doing so well. I was happy, losing weight, feeling and getting healthy. Why? Why the fuck can't satan leave me alone. Stupid asshole has no right to play with me. Has no right to make me feel like this. I can't fight anymore. I can't...
So what's changed?
Posted by Kae at 11:15 PM
Friday, September 28, 2007
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2 berries eaten:
I may not be tin person but you are not unloved anhered enwanted. I am not good at calling, posting or emailing but that does not mean I don't like talking to you. I wish I was closer so I would not have have to use the shallow lines of technology to reach you. Hold on, dear one. Like you said in an earlier post, who can seperate us forom the love of God. That makes two of us and God can do a far better job than I can. Tie a knot and hold on. You are loved.
(((hugs))) I just saw this! I'm sorry I wasn't there for you. I completely understand exactly what you wrote about here. When it comes to the email world, I sometimes feel exactly what you just wrote about - very alone, very invisible. I hate feeling that way. And for what it's worth, you are not alone! You are never alone, I am just an email, phone call or IM away.
And here is something that helps when I feel bogged down by those negative thoughts/feelings (or what many call satan) I quote one of my all time favorite movies - Labyrinth! "You have no power over me!" I repeat it on those bad days. It really does help.
Hugs!
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