Weight. Watching it go UP, watching it go DOWN

So I missed weigh in today. I KNEW I was going to gain because I've been half assing the program and being all hedonistic in my eating and thinking "like who really cares if I shovel down 10 handfuls of m&m's?" Or "I REALLY want the breakfast bar at Frisch's and since it's Saturday I don't have to worry about points.

And so I've gained. MY scale says it's 3-4 lbs in the last week. That's not good. Of course you know that I, being who I am, had the mental thoughts of "well, M loves me anyway" and "well, I've blown it so who gives a flying one? I'm just going to quit."

Then, today when I was heading to the 'fridge for something I didn't really want and wasn't even hungry for, that would make me feel sick if I ate it, I saw a little slip of paper that I guess M put up there. It's a slip from a fortune cookie and it says "Don't give up. Everyone is rooting for you!"

Man. That made the whatever it was that I was going to eat (and it really WAS whatever. I had no clue what my hand was going to pull out when I reached into the 'fridge, but I'd have eaten it.) just seem not that important. I made a quicky inventory of my tum and, would you believe it, I wasn't hungry. *G* So I grabbed a diet vernors and came into the computer room to do some organizing.

Organizing is my new kick it seems. I'm really enjoying the feeling of purging things that aren't needed, wanted or even remembered. Clutter is much less even if I only purge for 5 minutes.

So, thinking about that, now I have a desire to purge my mind of all those damn negative thoughts that Satan insists on putting in there. I have to remember that I'm not doing this for anyone but me. I have to learn to forgive myself, get on with losing the weight because I WANT to lose it for my health. And really, to be honest, I want to look sexy too. :o)