The American Dream

Okay folks. I need some help here.

Can someone tell me just WHEN our inalienable rights went from "Life, Liberty and the PURSUIT of happiness" and became "Life, Liberty, and having happiness handed to you because, awwwwww it's just not FAIR that YOU POOR THING can't have a house and credit cards and all the food and games and stuff that you WANT because AWWWWWWWWWW you don't WANT to work because it's EASIER to let the Government hand you everything on a silver platter and, oh yeah, even THINK for you."

I just don't get it. Before this country was started, before those wonderful words Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness) were written, there was a law in the colony that stated "You don't work? You don't eat." Period.

Because those Colonists KNEW that the ONLY way they could make things work was for everyone to do their job! No, I'm not talking about the Communist stuff of "everyone works and everyone gets everything the same because we're all equals here" but the actual everyone does his best for the good of the community. You do your job, you get compensated for said job.

Just like it's SUPPOSED to be in this day and age.

But no no no. Everyone is EQUAL! The Declaration of Independence says we are! See???

Um. Yeah. I think you need to check your reading comprehension abilities. The DoI says that we're all CREATED equal. After that, we're supposed to make something of OURSELVES!

But *waaahhh* Suzi swam too fast and I couldn't swim that fast so I lost!!! (oh no dear, you won and Suzi won and Jimmy won and...and...)

Yeah, can't have any competition you know. EVERYONE has to be the very best! There's no such THING as competition in the "REAL WORLD" (Don't shiver children! She's just telling a spooky story.)

Saw an interview with Ted Nugent the other day (On Glenn Beck) and he was talking about a time when his son was in a swimming race and he swam fast and came in first.....or did he? (cue ominous music) Nope. He was disqualified...because he SWAM TOO FAST!!!!!!!

I'm not kidding you folks. That's straight from The Nuge's mouth. Talk about having blood shoot out of your eyes.

Oh and all the Liberal whiners that go on and on about McCain having "so many houses he can't keep track of 'em!"

Um. Excuse me but, isn't that pretty much the very definition of the American Dream? To freakin' SUCCEED IN LIFE??!?!?!?

Gah.

Be careful what you wish for...

So early this morning I said something about "how do you get the motivation back?" and that I'd lost focus and didn't have anything to fight for...yada yada.

Then, I get a call from my Doctor around 10:30. It's never good when the Doc calls you herself. Last time that happened, I found out I had cancer.

This time? This time I found out I have diabetes.

Dammit.

*SIGH*

Well, guess I found my focus again huh?

Birthday rambles

So. It's 12:08 Tuesday October 7th, 2008. I'm 39 today. Not quite so sure I'm ready for 39. I'm not old enough to be 39. I haven't gotten to BE what I wanted to be as a kid...*sigh*

Anyway, was talking with Mom tonight and lamented the fact that I was hanging onto 38 by a thread. Told her that I wasn't ready yet...that I didn't WANT to be 39 yet. She replied "well, just be thankful that you're ABLE to be 39."

Oh. Yeah. That.

3 years ago today I died. Well, the old me died. The me that was sick and had been sick for a very long time. In a mass of blood and fear and craziness, I died.

And then I woke up and things that should have gone on as normal didn't. I had cancer. The big "C". Whatever. It sucked and I was stuck.

But, looking back on the past three years, I didn't have the worst time of my life with the cancer. I had something to fight for, something to focus on, something that meant something. My life.

So when did that focus go away? Why did it fade? Is my life no longer worth fighting for, no longer meaningful? Don't I have MORE meaning now that I have M as my husband and the kitty kids?

I know that I've said over and over (ad infinitum) that I'm "going to lose weight" and I'm "going to exercise" and even I'm "going to take pictures of my work and make a website to sell stuff on". Oh and my all time favorite I'm "going to keep the house picked up and clean and make healthy dinners for M and I and work on the...blah blah blah"

What does it take to make this MEAN something to me? To shake me out of my doldrums and kick me in the ass and say WAKE UP YOU STUPID BRAINLESS BINT!! DON'T YOU KNOW YOU'RE JUST COMMITTING SUICIDE SLOWLY???? (for some reason, I hear James Marsters saying this in Spike's voice. Mmmmmmmmm Spiky goodness. Ahem.)

Because I tell myself that...over and over. Mainly at night when I'm wide awake because M is snoring so loud and his breathing is stopping and I have to shake him (unless he's already shaking 'cause that's a usual) and I get up and go into my old room and hangout with the truckers on WLW while I play the DS or ruminate on my life and how it can be the best ever thing in all the world (Marriage to my Bunny) and the wide gaping shithole that I've been living with from this crapin' depression and...face it...laziness.

*sigh* I know it's going to get better. I actually AM taking the bull by the balls this time and getting a sleep study done. The Doc took all sorts of blood work to see how the arthritis is going and told me "I really think we're just going to have to defer to a rhumatologist this time." Which is fine with me...if I can just get rid of the pain and stop the dang arthritis from spreading.

And I know that ONE way I can help RIGHT FREAKIN' NOW is to lose weight. Gah. I know I CAN do it...now I just have to WANT to do it. Really and truly and foreverly (don't you love my made up words? *G*) want to lose the weight. Get into shape.

If only I could find the secret motivation formula that would kick in until the real stuff wakes up and realizes that I'm for SERIOUS this time.

Yeah. that.

*sigh*