Aggie is missing

We've looked all over for her. I've shaken the food bags, rattled the gooshy food dishes, called for her...we can't find her.

We've looked outside. Stupid flashlight gives out and I can't find my damn batteries. I KNOW I have batteries...I just bought a huge pack of them...but where they hell they've gotten to? I have no clue.

I'm so angry over this. I KNOW I don't have any reason to be angry but...

As much as I don't want to say it, I feel like it's Mike's fault. I KNOW it's not but...he's so in tune with the damn universe and yet he doesn't notice a freaking thing.

But, the rational part of me KNOWS that he didn't MEAN to not see Aggie slip out.

He's not even fucking awake right now. I've been sitting here for hours watching the glass door waiting to see her little head pop up and for her to meow and say "Mommy! Daddy! I've missed you! I'm home!"

And he's asleep. He's been asleep since 11pm. How the crap can he sleep when I'm crying my heart out, bone deep sobs, longing for my kitty cat to just COME. HOME.

Oh God. I hurt. I want my baby home. I want her HERE. She...she can't take care of herself out there! She doesn't have any TEETH!!!

I need her. I can't...I can't lose her this close to losing Oscar.

I just want to scream at God and Mike and some more at Mike and some more at God. I want to scream GOD DA***!!!!!!!!! until my lungs burst and I don't have to FEEL anymore.

I'm so TIRED of pain. So very fucking tired of it all. Dammit! WHY IS SHE GONE? WHERE DID SHE GO? WHY ME? WHY HER? WHY, GOD, WHY????

GIVE HER BACK TO ME NOW!