Updates updates

So Oscar is doing better. He's really doing well when I give him his infusion. Friday he was a bit squirmy but I think he moved the needle and that made it hurt some. I'll be more aware tomorrow to make sure the needle doesn't move at all.

He's starting to eat his kidney food. I have to heat it in the microwave for 10 seconds and then mash it up and build it into a little pyramid with a tiny bit of the other cat's gooshy gravy. But at least he's eating it.

Aggie tried to get at Oscar's food last night. She was most displeased when I told her only Oscar gets to eat this food. Not a happy kitty girl. But, oh well.

Other than that, things are okay here. Going to ask M if we can head out to Home Despot to look at gardening things. I want to build a patio type garden in our backyard so I have something to do other than write or do housework all day. I'll post pictures if it ever gets done. *G* You know me, Madam Procrastination.

Oscar's Visit to the Vet redux

So M and I just got back from the vet's office where I learned to give Oscar his fluid injections. I'd say it was easy peasy lemon squeezie but...even though I didn't have any trouble at all, I started to shake. (thankfully AFTER the injection was done.)

M on the other paw...well...let's just say that *I* will be the only one giving the fluids. He turned a VERY interesting shade of grey and then had to leave the room while the solution was flowing.

Oscar did very very well. He growled a bit while I was holding him for the injection and during the flow but even though he's still pretty unimpressed with me, he's letting me love on him. *G* I think he knows that it wasn't pleasant for ANY of us and that it's going to make him feel better.

I still wish (of course) that I didn't HAVE to do any of this, but it's really nice to know that I CAN do it.

Oscar's test results

Well, the good news is, he doesn't have diabetes or thyroid disease.

Bad news is he has kidney disease.

Good news again is, it's chronic kidney disease.

Bad news again is that no one knows when it will turn into end stage kidney disease.

So.

We go tomorrow night to learn how to give Oscar some subdural injections of fluid to help his kidneys work more efficiently and to get some prescription food for him to eat.

More tomorrow.

Oscar's Visit to the Vet

He was a really good boy on the way to the vet. Had some complaints until he found a comfy spot on Mommy's lap. Then it was "sniff sniff sniff" at the crack in the window that Mommy put down for him. He perked up when he saw my parent's house (where he grew up and was an indoor/outdoor kitty) and the fields he used to run around in and catch "miceies".

We got to the vet and he was being so good. He was on his leash and he hopped out of the car and started walking for the door just as calm as you please. Then he must have realized that he wasn't home and he tried to dart under the car. Heh heh heh. That's where having a leash is good. Poor boy. I scooped him up and carried him in to the office. Everyone made a big deal out of him (he is a handsome little boy) and we were taken into a room right away because a silly young Lab puppy was coming in and the Dr didn't want Oscar scared.

Finally it was our turn to be seen. He had his temperature taken...was SO not happy with that...and had his weight checked. He's down 2 lbs from when we last weighed him. I knew he had lost weight but not that much.

The Dr came in and gave him some exam time. Checked his thyroid and his tummy area. Took him back into the lab area and got some blood from him. My GOODNESS you could feel the floor shake from his VERY angry meows. NOT a happy boy.

Vet said that there is SOMETHING wrong but until the blood tests come back, she's not sure just what it could be. The three biggies for older cats are Thyroid Disease, which is treatable and curable, Diabetes, which is treatable but not curable, and Kidney disease which is neither very treatable nor curable.

She said that he has SLIGHT symptoms but they're so slight that, without the blood work, we won't be sure. So, pins 'n needles until tomorrow or Thursday.

Dear God, please don't let it be kidney disease.

Gads I'm boring

I really am the most boring blogger in the blogosphere, aren't I?

I've done nothing of note. Nothing worthy of talking about. Nothing anyone would really want to hear about. I'm boring.

And yet...

I like me. Today. Yesterday was a different story. Today, I'm liking me. We'll see what tomorrow brings.

Bought a book today

Well, technically I bought it last week after watching Oprah but it CAME today. (I adore Amazon.)

Does This Clutter Make My Butt Look Fat? By Peter Walsh. I'm only into the first chapter but I keep putting the book down to THINK about my clutter. It's amazing how he seems to be talking directly to ME.

I remember once telling my Mom that my horribly cluttered room was "an outward expression of my inward turmoil." I can't believe that I understood it back then and yet never did ANYTHING about it.

My apartment wasn't cluttered (until M moved in that is) and I took great joy in the fact that I did my dishes every night and put them up every morning, vacuumed every other day (Oscar's fur you know. And then Emmy's) kept my bedroom looking neat and tidy.

Heck, even at work I was organized. Believe it or not. I HAVE the basics. I just haven't put them into practice.

I think most of it is because I feel overwhelmed. Well, that and M doesn't seem to care about the mess and really, after I CLEAN the mess he just goes and makes another mess and forgets about it until I come in and blow up. I need to remember that he's not yet on board but with perseverance and practice (and perhaps a bit of bitching) he'll see how nice it is to have an organized house and will help me out by not leaving his pants in front of the 'fridge. (I know...I know. I have no clue either. Why in the HECK did he drop trou there? *shrug* I can't figure him out sometimes.)

Off to read more of this book. I'm anxious to see how he works the fat in your house and the fat on your body together.

Remembrance

It's been 30 years but I still remember. It haunts me day to day, whether in my conscious thoughts or in my subconscious doings, but it haunts me still.

I was 8 but I remember it as if it were yesterday, I remember what I was wearing, what I was doing. I close my eyes and I can see your face, hear your words, feel your touch...

and it makes me shudder. It makes me hate you, makes me seethe with an unholy fury so deep set that I feel nauseated from the sheer force of it.

I was 8 you bastard. 8 years old and you touched me. You made me feel that I was a bad person, that my parents would be mad at me if I didn't let you "help" me with my panties. I can feel your sticky hot breath on my cheek as you run your hand over my labia, run it up under my dress to where my breasts would be had I actually been a woman, as you put your hand back on the place no man should have ever touched until I was old enough to consent, old enough to know better.

I hate you. I hate what you made me into, what you made me feel. What you still make me feel. The self loathing, the hatred I feel for myself for being that stupid...that trusting. That I can trust again is nothing short of amazing. I feel like I can't love myself because of the shit you pulled.

To have to look at your idiotic leer Sunday after Sunday. To sit there and see people act as if you're a good man, someone to be trusted, someone who could never do wrong because, after all, you ARE a Christian, right? You would never do something like that to any little girl...right?

I see you and I find myself fantasizing about your death. Oh no, not at my own hand, but just that you're dead and gone. That I'd never have to look at you again. Never have to have you leer at me with that knowing look.

And that makes me even sicker and angrier at myself. To wish someone dead. That isn't what I want to be about, isn't what I know to be good and true, what Christ wants His people to feel.

But maybe, just maybe, when you're gone I can finally find some peace within myself.

Although it will never bring back that innocence lost 30 years ago.

And now...for a quick dilemma...

I'm getting ready to head off for ambien land. The kittens, who have been lounging around all evening, in peaceful somnolence, have just now figured out that if you get the jingle ball and take it into Mommy's bathtub...it rolls around REALLY fast and makes all sorts of happy jingle sounds!!!

So, do I hope that they get tired of jingle ball in the bathtub, or do I take it away for the night and give it back tomorrow when there's daylight and Mommy's head doesn't feel like exploding???

Eh, I'm a sucker. They can keep it in the tub...unless they start fighting. :oD

Little stinkers. I'm so twisted around their paws. Same with the big stinkers since Aggie just came in and indicated that treat time was TOO SHORT MOM! *G* So, last treats and then *I* am hitting the sack.

G'nite.

My "lightbulb" moment

Well, sort of. *G* I've had this particular one before...but it's a little brighter now.

I am FINALLY feeling MUCH MUCH better. The liquid gold in pill form and the inhaler seem to be working. (seriously $100 for 7 freakin' pills)

So today I slept a bit, got up and wandered around the house feeling lost and uncomfortable. I couldn't figure out what was going on but I was frustrated with myself and on the verge of tears when I started looking at the tv area and what an absolute mess it had become. Crap everywhere. And I do mean crap. Candles that have been burnt until they can't be burnt anymore, old soda bottles that I was "fighting" with M about throwing away. (he brings in his soda bottles and sometimes the paper cups from fast food joints and leaves them on the TV stand. GRRRR) Anyway, I got a trash bag and just started to toss.

With each thing I tossed, I grew lighter and lighter. Finally I had the hand upside the head moment....the CLUTTER is making me unhappy! "Well DUH, K (I said to myself) this isn't exactly a NEW thought now is it?" So the momentum grew. My TV stand, the DVDs, the CDs, the video game consoles, the cat toys (and toy basket) and the surrounding area is now rather clean. Almost devoid of clutter. I say almost because I'm sure I could get a few more things out of there. (*wink* like M's DVDs that he never ever ever watches...LOL) But even though there's still STUFF there, it's not CLUTTERED stuff. It's nicely organized stuff. Happy making stuff. :o)

And Whew I'm tired. *G* I still have the trouble of remembering that everything does NOT have to be done in 12 hours. It can take 48-72 or even longer. Just so long as SOME is done everyday. Then I will keep my head road going and I'll keep the happy growing.


(heh, and I had a phone call with Mom earlier to tape Oprah (the second showing) 'cause it's about the clutter making you fat. I SO need this show!!!)

I'm Back...

Hello! I'm back from weeks 'n weeks of fighting bronchitis. It's probably pneumonia by now but at least I'm feeling better!

I have to give a shout out to my dearest friend DogMom. Her blog has been awesome lately. I highly recommend reading it if just for the sheer pleasure in the beauty of her words.

Other than that, I've just been here doing not much. I have to get back in the swing of things and play catch up on a lot of the household stuff. *sigh* It never ends does it?

*cough cough*

So I've been sick yet again. It seems that I get rid of one URI only to pick up another, harsher one. This time I was "lucky" and got the bonus of bronchitis! Yay me! *sigh*

I'm on my second round of antibiotics for this round of sickness. The wheezing seems to have let up so I guess they're working.

Other than that, I've been utterly boring. Just reading (the Codex Alera books by Jim Butcher. A MUST read!!!) and watching the last of season 5 of Buffy. Man...the ending of the season...the look on Spike's face...breaks my heart every time.

So now I'm on season 6 and I'm up to Once More with Feeling. I'm not sure if I'll watch it again even though it's one of my favorites. I really want to get to the episodes I haven't seen yet. Doublemeat Palace brings me to that point.

So, that's where I am for now.

I can't believe I...well yeah, I guess I can

Okay people. Heads up here.

When you're asking someone for some input or an opinion on a situation or dress color, you are asking for ADVICE.

If you are the person being asked for advice you are being asked to ADVISE someone.

Please, for the love of my sanity, quit getting the two of these mixed up.

Thanks ever so much,

The Mgmt.

Avon

So I've been going through an Avon period lately. For Christmas, I gave my nieces in law to be (K-older's fiancée's daughters) some mark lip gloss and perfumes. Since I was putting in the order anyway...*G*...I went ahead and got myself a few things. I'm currently in LOVE with their perfume "Always". Smells like lily of the valley. Delish. I also have "Tomorrow" which is a spicer oriental type. Nummy as well.

Anyway I've been out at the Avon site looking around and they have some great deals. If you want something, or you need to stock up, get out there and do it! I think shipping is free today!

Oh, and if you don't have an Avon lady, my friend Melody is the BEST! Visit her site at www.youravon.com/melodythomas She really ROCKS!!

Christmas time is...gone...

What a nice day yesterday. Seems that everyone was pretty relaxed and not wanting to "fight" or anything. Presents were all well received and the ones everyone got for us were excellent! Totally love my Trader Joe's gift card from k-younger and M-inlaw. K-Older and D gave us a card to a new restaurant that I've been wanting to try. Way cool.

K-nephew may have a job soon. He's been having trouble because of his record. But my friend J-hole works for a janitorial service and says that they're always looking for people who will work hard. K-nephew couldn't stop smiling after I talked to J-hole.

Other than that, it's been a very very quiet day here. I slept for most of it which was REALLY nice.

Tomorrow starts me getting back into the groove of things with the house and weight loss and stuff like that. I think I've decided to go back to WWers on Saturday. It just seems like it's what works for me and I can incorporate all that I've been learning from other diet books.

Bah Humbug?

I'm feeling sad. I don't know exactly why but it's just there. Hanging over my head like some evil anti-mistletoe or something.

M is sitting in the living room playing on his work laptop. He's addicted to some game called "NetHack". I don't understand it but...hey whatever! LOL He's also watching Deal or No Deal and laughing whenever someone gets a high case. He's so sick sometimes, laughing over the disappointment of others. It makes me wonder, from time to time, just what goes on in there. *head shake* I dunno. I pray that he'll eventually find himself in a happy place where he doesn't have to take joy in the downfall of others.

Everything is clean in the kitchen. I haven't stopped all day and I feel like just sitting down in the middle of everything and bursting into tears. But I won't. I'll just ball it up and deal with it after the holiday. Just have to wrap up Grandma's gift (a picture and a gift card) and I'll be completely finished with everything for tomorrow except the salami cream cheese rolls and the other little things I'll be "cooking".

K-sis was home all alone today. L was with her asshole of a "father". I really want to go and kick the ever living hell out of that poor excuse for a human. Mom said that K-sis was in tears most of the day. If I'd have known she was going to be home all alone, I'd have said something to M and seen if he'd take me down. (I mean, what's a 2 hour trip each way between siblings? *G*) I don't know what we'd have done, but I'm sure she and I could have thought of something.

Maybe that's it. Or perhaps it's knowing that the holiday is HERE. It's almost over and I'm already feeling the post-Christmas let down. You know, the "man all that work and it's OVER in 5 minutes...tops!" feeling.

Dad's sick too. He started to vomit this afternoon. He hasn't been sick like this in about 13 years, Mom said. I guess a part of me is worried...or at least more worried than I thought I was over him being sick.

Well, time to take dinner out of the oven. Maybe I'll actually feel better after eating something. Yeah...maybe.

Hey everyone!

What's that? What have I been doing since last we chatted? Nothing much at all except for the same old same old. I have everything wrapped and ready to go with the exception of Grandma's gift card from Kroger. I'll get that tomorrow while we grocery shop.

So what is Christmas going to be like this year? Will Dad get through the day without killing my Aunt? Will K and M help with dishes? Will the guys help? Will dinner go off without a hitch or will something burn? And will I actually be treated like an adult this year instead of having instructions spelled out for me? (Like "Strawberry, get the rolls out of the oven...and use the mitts! Like duh there Mom...I didn't know hot things were, you know, HOT. *sound of head smacking the desk*)

It's not really that bad. I love my family and all of the above actually gives us stuff to laugh about and tease each other about. It's frustrating at the time but, once it's over it's over. *G*

Anyway, now that everything is done Christmas wise (except for the noshes) I decided to be productive and roll the coins I've been saving for the past 6 months. (M has been stealing quarters for his "snack" so I'm down about $20 from where I would have been.) I've saved $152.50 in the last 6 months just from "harvesting" the coins that M leaves in his car, coat, pants pockets, bed ('cause you know, he can't empty them before hitting the sheets), bedroom floor...etc. Not a bad day's work if I do say so myself. I'm not sure what I'm going to do with it yet. I may hit the post holiday sales and see if I can't (finally) find a good inexpensive vacuum cleaner that won't freakin' lose suction. It'll be our 3rd in about 5 years. Or maybe I'll get that really cool steam mop or even a steam cleaner. Perhaps some new clothes or shoes or bras (all of which are desperately needed) or something totally frivolous like some Demeter Fragrances or books. (wait, books aren't frivolous!) Or maybe I'll be a Good Berry and put it in savings. Nah. :oD

Whatever I do with it, I'm sure it'll come in handy.

Other than that, I've just been getting things done around the house. I'm enjoying myself doing what I can, as I can and then taking frequent breaks so I don't have a flair or get sick again. I've been doing pretty well with that. Now if I can just cure the freakin' insomnia I'll be doing well. Have doctor's appointments all next month so I should (hopefully) get some answers. If I remember to ask the questions. *G*

Anyway, that's about it for now. I'm going to go read (Got Fangs? by Katie Maxwell for the umpteenth time) and try very very hard to fall asleep.

I'm an Edmontosaurs

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Ahhh...

Well, it's almost time for Christmas and, with the exception of some gift cards, I'm officially done shopping. Yahoo! I don't think I've ever been done this early before.

Of course, I still have things to send out along with my Christmas cards. I'll get those done tonight and off to the post awful tomorrow.

Check out my book review blog (over on your left...see it? WildDog's book review? yeah, that's it.) to see what's been occupying my time. Finished 3 books this weekend and have started on a 4th. That's really not a lot for me but I've been busy doing other things as well.

Last night, I was hostess for my Sunday School children's program. I didn't realize how much WORK that was...and most of it was done for me before I even got there. (Thanks J and girls!) And then I was cleaning up and one of the ladies came back and helped out by washing the dishes (thanks W!) and *poof* it was all finished and we were out the door. I didn't get to see much of the program but it was one of those "cutsey" things from Group Publishing so I guess I really didn't miss much. One of these days I'll write my own Christmas play/pageant and try and get the Church to put it on. I'm tired of the "we have to make it relevant for today" mentality that seems to be rampant in most of the Christmas stuff of today. I mean, does Christ's birth EVER go out of style? Really?

I've been doing okay with the "get the chore done NOW...don't wait" thing. It really is a good feeling to just have it done and not hanging over your head.

So now I'm waiting for M to get home so we can head out to Meijer so I can get kitty food (we're down to crumbs in the bags even though the kids have full bowls), litter, some coin rollers (I'm tired of looking at the bags of coins!) and a couple of books (because it's not like I have nothing to read or anything...lol)

Nothing more to really say today. Just a lazy day. Hope I'll be able to fall asleep tonight. It's been hell getting only a few hours of sleep each night. Although I've been enjoying listening to 700 WLW and America's Trucking Network with Steve Sommers and Bubba Bo. They've been fun this past week. Interesting too. I'd still rather have a full night of sleep though.

Busy busy...

'Tis the season and all that. Been hectic 'round here as I try madly to get back into the swing of things after a recent bout of ick. I need to remember that all my clutter and housework wasn't made in a day (except what M creates) and it doesn't need to get done in a day.

I am making progress with getting into a routine. Even if it is only a routine of cleaning the litter box. Still, that's something, no?

I think routines are important. They help those of us who have memory problems (thanks chemo!) they help us to feel in control even when everything seems to be slipping away.

So, I've decided to add to my routine. I just need to decide what to add and how much to add at a time.

Been reading several diet books in a quest to find intelligent answers to the questions I've been asking myself. One of the overwhelming statements in all of the books I've read so far is "change doesn't come easily...take it slow and let one thing become habit before you start to do something else."

Heh. Change doesn't come easily. No kidding. Especially not for a Lutheran. LOL But it is sound advice. Like the litter box. I used to HATE cleaning the box because it was...well frankly...disgusting. But now that I've been doing it everyday it's not so disgusting. It's easy and rather relaxing as well. Just knowing that that one thing is DONE, that the cats have a clean place to piddle and poo so they aren't doing it all over my "to be washed" pile of clothes. (note to self: get hamper. *G*) It's freeing to have that chore DONE and out of the way. Even if I don't do it until 4 in the afternoon. At least it's done.

I need to remember this for other areas in my life. Get the chore DONE when you think of it or when you're done with whatever you've been using. (like the dishes) Once you get into the routine of putting things away when you've finished with them, the rest is a snap. Why didn't I remember this earlier? Other than the whole "I'm dying from cancer 'cause I don't know I have it" thing. *G* I guess I was either stupid, stubborn or just flat lazy.

So, that's going to be my new thing. I'm going to get myself a routine and I'm going to work at sticking to it no matter what. Unless the whole death thing comes up again...then we'll have to see.

whee

Did I tell you about my cool new toy? The swiffer sweeper? OOOHHHH it's great! No more kitty litter on the bottoms of my nice clean wet feet. Ahh.

Plus it's rechargeable so I don't have to go plugging it in when I want to use it. It's already there and waiting for me to make the floor nice 'n clean.

Now I want to get this steam mop that everyone on my email list is talking about. The Bissell Steam Mop. Man. I so want this mop. Freaks me out too since I'm like the least likely person to be all het up about a cleaning product. LOL but I do...I so do.

Anyway, today's a nice boring day. Paid some bills...made some calls for the cookie walk at Church on Sunday...gonna play with my toy...er I mean sweep the floor...and clean the bathroom later. Nice lazy type day. Ahhh.

Best of all? No Bells tomorrow. What a happy thought!