Diabetes update

Woo Hoo! Got my A1c back yesterday, 5.9!!! I'm so excited about that.

In other health news, I'm scheduled to see a PM&R doc on Monday. I'm looking forward to it. I really want to stop hurting.

Other than that, life has just been life. I've been having a couple of good days (pain wise) so I took advantage of it today and cleaned and tried out a few yoga videos. I'm trying to break my internet addiction. At least, some of it. LOL

Okay, off to bed.

To whom do you go?

I've been feeling down lately. I'm not sure if the effexor isn't working well anymore or if the absence of the byetta (and the resulting sugar rises and weight gain) is causing it, but I'm depressed.

I've found myself avoiding God, not reading, not praying, not even really talking with Him. I know this is not only a symptom of my depression, but also a cause of it. A never ending circle that just winds tighter and tighter with satan giggling over in the corner enjoying it all.

So I've been forcing myself to read the Bible but even what I'm reading feels like it's making the depression worse. I read some of the Psalms last night and that really helped but I want the words of Jesus, I want the Gospel, I want to be happy again.

And I don't know what to do.

Who do you go to to talk with when you feel like there's no one there? Who to you go to when you want an actual voice to respond?

And who do you go to when your spouse is desperately trying to understand but is a bit too involved with his gaming and other aspects of his life to really *listen* to you?

And when your best friend is even more depressed because of horrible job stuff and being away from her family for 4 days out of the week and you just don't want to burden her with MORE. (and shut up DogMom. This is me ranting here. ;o) )

I don't feel well. I just want to feel...NORMAL...again. Whatever the hell "Normal" is. I want it.

Never remember

There's so much I remember in this life. I remember the obscure places M puts his keys/glasses/wallet/tax information. I remember little weird bits of trivia that no one could ever REALLY want to know.

What I seem to NEVER remember is that I have a blog. And that I should be posting on it. Like, regularly. *G*

Anyway, life has been life and things have been pretty good for the most part 'round here. My diabetes was getting MUCH MUCH MUCH better with the help of Byetta but now the stupid Insurance company is farting around with trying to decide if I NEED it or not. (short answer? YES DAMMIT!) Actually, I REALLY want them to get off their buns and give me the higher dose.

All in all, though, I've lost about 40 lbs. I feel better, for the most part, and I find it easier to walk around...not huffing and puffing and all that. I feel better when ON the Byetta...of course...because I seem to sleep better and wake up with actual ENERGY instead of sleeping like crap and waking up still exhausted.


I'm still in the thrall of the indie perfume scene. Everyone has their Valentine's Day scents up but I'm being pretty good. I haven't ordered any of them...yet. I'm desperate for a few from both Happy Housewife and Blooddrop. I DO want to order from Blooddrop SOON because one of my favorite scents is going away (Garden Hoe) and I only have an imp of it. It's a very green, tomato plant, summery type smell. It's really delicious. Here's what Astrid (the beautiful "nose" behind the delicious preciouses) has to say about Garden Hoe:

With dirty knees and finger nails, sun burnt shoulders and nose you’re just happy to be outside in your garden! Tomato leaf, green bean vines, lettuce and a bit of earthiness for nourishment. No pesticides included.

It's sort of like getting your veggies in...only in sniffy-licious versions!

Even though I've pretty much limited my sniffy acquiring to "I SO know I'm going to LOVE this", I've run out of space in both of my Mini Lane Cedar Chests. (no, I don't buy from there. I look on Ebay. Actually, Mom gave me my first one and I got my second from Ebay. I have a bid on another.)

Maybe that's something I could do. Make Perfume Chests for people who collect Indie Perfumes. Hmmm....I'll have to look into that.

In other news, we have about 18" of snow right now. Might not be much to those of you who live in the North Western states but it has pretty much shut down Cincinnati for the day. M is home and curled up in bed with his laptop, occasionally logging into work and seeing what all's going on. Mostly I think he's just spaced out in front of NetHack. He's so addicted but won't admit it. Grrr.

Diabetes away!!!!!

Well, not really.

It'll be a month tomorrow since I learned I had developed Type II Diabetes. This month has been an interesting adjustment in the attitudes I have about life and how I interact with food.

I've lost 7.5 lbs since I was last weighed. That's awesome for a month loss. I know I'm still losing because my panties are getting REALLY loose. (hey DogMom, you might be getting some panties in the mail! No no you sicko, not USED panties. Panties that are still in the box. Sheesh.)

But food and I are really no longer adversaries. I'm learning that what I eat has both an immediate AND a long term effect on my body. Well, I KNEW it but now I'm experiencing it. So to speak. I'm realizing that it's the choices I make that affect every other aspect of this disease and that, just because I shouldn't have (name food) doesn't mean I CAN'T have it. I just have to have it in smaller quantities.

Again, this isn't anything NEW to me. It's just getting beat into my head a little harder is all. *G*

And the Byetta, despite the nausea side effect, is really quite nice. VERY easy to take (I give myself twice daily injections) and I notice a difference already.

So maybe this isn't the horror story I thought it would be.


Good.

Be careful what you wish for...

So early this morning I said something about "how do you get the motivation back?" and that I'd lost focus and didn't have anything to fight for...yada yada.

Then, I get a call from my Doctor around 10:30. It's never good when the Doc calls you herself. Last time that happened, I found out I had cancer.

This time? This time I found out I have diabetes.

Dammit.

*SIGH*

Well, guess I found my focus again huh?