Cool

Heh, finally found an app to blog with. Woo hoo!


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Location:My Bed

101 in 1001

1. Knit a pair of socks
2. Knit a pair of fingerless gloves
3. Read the entire Bible
4. Start donations for shelter cats
5. Reduce monthly "allowance" spending to under $100 for 6 months consecutively
6. Learn to sew on a machine
7. Learn to bake bread from scratch
8. Learn to Can
9. Establish a housekeeping routine (ie FlyLady)
10. Establish a daily Bible Study
11. Establish and keep an exercise routine (at least 6 months in a row)
12. Walk a 5k
13. Establish a sleep routine
14. Learn to make applesauce (like Grandma)
15. Knit a lace shawl
16. Become more involved with politics
17. Cook a turkey
18. Clean out and donate clothes
19. Copy Mom and Grandma's recipes
20. Journal my points everyday for 3 months straight.
21. Find a subject to research and write about. (fairy tales?)
22. Participate in NaNoWriMo
23. Buy a funky wig AND wear it out in public
24. Volunteer more at Church
25. Learn to work with precious metal clay
26. Take beading classes. (down in Milford?)
27. Organize/create database for my book collection
28. Set up a work bench for jewelry making
29. Organize bead collection
30. Create database for beads to make it easier to see what I have and what to charge.
31. Establish a Prayer routine
32. Restart my "5 things to do today" list and continue it for 3 months in a row.
33. Transfer CDs to iPod/computer
34. Get back to writing book reviews for each book I read.
35. Write a series of short stories. (M says 10 total)
36. Learn to play the guitar.
37. Send packages and cards to my college students each quarter
38. Write a letter of gratitude to someone at least once every 3 months
39. Redecorate the Bathroom
40. Have a garage sale
41. Organize bedroom
42. Organize a system for the mail
43. Figure out a place of Mike to put his keys and wallet and reclaim the bookshelf.
44. Surprise Mike with a candlelit dinner at least once every couple of months.
45. Plant an herb garden
46. Plant a vegetable garden
47. Knit a scarf to give away
48. Start a charity knitting/needlework group at Church
49. Look into doing a Christmas Jar.
50. Give with Mite boxes 12 times
51. Create a fire escape plan and practice it
52. Organize an emergency kit.
53. Take a pet first aid class
54. Establish a bedtime routine.
55. Get back to blogging on Strawberry's Whine
56. Learn to shoot a gun
57. Be able to do 50 “real” (not girly) pushups.
58. Draft and get notarized a Living Will
59. Create and achieve 5 goals for candle biz in 2012
60. Memorize 10 hymns
61. Build a cat tree
62. Write a letter to 5 people letting them know how important they are to me.
63. Write 5 “praise letters” to businesses to thank them for a job well done
64. Make a list of 101 positive things about myself
65. Get my ears pierced again
66. Try Absinthe
67. Start recording (saving on blog or via computer) my “conversations with my brain”
68. Confront my molester
69. Do project 365.
70. Make homemade jam.
71. Sew an apron and use it.
72. Knit a purse.
73. Organize my Bare Escentuals collection
74. Make a pie from scratch (crust and filling)
75. Organize my kitchen cabinets.
76. Start and maintain a prayer journal for 6 months
77. Have the carpeting replaced
78. Paint the house. (interior)
79. Paint the front door
80. Memorize 10 Bible verses every 6 months.
81. Completely organize the office
82. Put the flag up.
83. Watch the sunrise 10 times. (not staying up all night to do so)
84. Start a Savings account
85. Pay off all credit cards
86. Send someone flowers “just because”
87. Go stargazing with Mike
88. Start hiking with Mike
89. Decorate for Christmas in 2012 and 2013
90. Complete the “50 Questions that will free your mind”
91. Send and receive 10 postcards from postcrossing.com
92. Create a “Goal Board” for Weight Watchers
93. Keep a journal for the whole 1001 days. (at least 1 entry per every 3 days)
94. Redecorate the living room
95. Work up to the 3 mile tape of WATP
96. Learn to cross stitch/needlepoint
97. Create a list of 101 “must read” books and share on book review site
98. Have basement cleaned
99. Donate to MMM once every 6 months
100. Write down everything we spend money on for 2 months and create a budget.
101. Every Sunday for 6 months, make lunch for the next week.

Yahoo!

Well! I'm back and ready to start blogging again. I received a really nice laptop from my husbunny for Christmas so I don't have to worry about putting my fist through the monitor of my desktop. It got to the point where I'd get to a page and the computer would freeze.

I'm going to be doing the 101 in 1001 challenge again. Haven't decided where to post the list, here or Facebook. I have some great goals on there so I'm really looking forward to get started!

Happy New Year everyone!

Figured out how

So, last night M and I were hanging out in bed and he was feeling a bit...uh...frisky. Sadly, I'm in a bad fibro flare and was feeling anything BUT. Just the touch of his hand made me want to cry and I felt HORRIBLE that I had to turn him down.

We lay there for a bit and I asked him if he was mad at me. He of course said "NO!" and then after a minute he asked "what is it like?"

I thought about it for a bit and then came up with this...

Do you remember how you felt when you were in the typing lab at school? How the typing, while in the background, was enough to send you over the edge? How sometimes you were lucky and it faded into static that you could still hear but wasn't enough to actually bother you but most of the time you wanted to rip people's fingers off?

He replied "yeah"

I responded: That's what the pain is like. It's constantly there even if it's not at the forefront. I'm never free of it...it's there like a time bomb just clicking down the seconds. It drains me of any will to do the activities I really enjoy, most especially the physically active ones but even the mental ones like reading. Sometimes I hurt so badly all I can do is lay in the bed and whimper because the "clacking of the keys" makes me want to shoot myself in the head just so it would END once and for all.

He then blinked at me a few times and said, in a quiet voice, "damn. I knew you were strong but...damn."

Funny...I don't feel strong. I'd rather have that than what I have... :o)

And the grump of the day

So, Sunday I was playing with my iPod and it suddenly decided to turn itself off. When I finally was able to get it back on, I couldn't connect to the wi-fi at all. So, M and I tried all of the steps involved in restoring everything including syncing and restoring the complete device.

I was told that, if I synced it BEFORE restoring, everything would be in my iTunes folder and I wouldn't lose any apps or music.

Yeah. Right.

Not only did I lose EVERYTHING, the iPod STILL won't connect to the wi-fi. I call and am told "Oh, you need to have it repaired. You need to send it to...blah blah blah" I didn't even really get a chance to hear how much it would cost. I DID hear that I wouldn't actually get MY iPod back, no, I'd get a refurbished one. Um. I don't care for that at all. I know it's standard but still. I've had my iPod about a year! Shouldn't it still be under warranty??

M said "well perhaps we'll just get you a new one. You want a 4thGen right?" Yeah, yeah I do and I also would like a pony and a lollipop and for rainbows to shoot from my ass when I fart.

Because I KNOW the reply will be "well, we don't have the money right now" and I'll be iPodless for a year or so.

Cleopatra Exhibit at the Cincinnati Museum Center

This past Saturday the Husbunny and I went to see Cleopatra. It's been a VERY long time since I've been to the Museum Center but I was excited. I love learning and Cleopatra is one of my favorite subjects.

The exhibit was amazing. I can't even begin to tell you what it felt like to be in a room full of artifacts that are older than the Disciples. One of the granite pieces was a type of sanctuary for Maahes a Lion shaped god. The hieroglyphics were breathtaking. I stood in front of the piece for about 10 minutes just absorbing the detail and the almost pristine nature of most of the glyphs. I WISH I could have taken a photo of this piece alone but, alas, no photos were allowed. *sigh*

The jewelry was, of course, an interest of mine. There was a ring that astounded M with its detail and the fact that, if seen in a store today, it wouldn't be out of place or "antique". There was a pendant bead that was smaller than my pinkie nail but was so intricately carved it almost looked machine made.

It was an amazing exhibit and I wouldn't mind going again. Total love!

Huh? What?? Eh???

Do you know, I completely forgot that I have a blog? *headshake* Yes, I'm serious and Yes, I'm going to be TRYING to be MUCH better at updating this thing.

Of course, I really should have something to say before I go promising that I'm going to be updating it. I'm sure NO ONE wants to read about my actual whining no matter what the title of this blog is.

However, whining is something I need to do right now...

I hurt. All over. Aching. Owing. Feeling used hard and put up wet.

I'm still taking my meds for fibro but they're starting to fail me. The PM&R asked me earlier this month if I wanted to go up in dosage but since I JUST started WWers, I REALLY don't want to take more of a medication where the first listed side effect is "weight gain". I'd REALLY like a huge dose of pain meds that will just knock all the pain out...or at least another beautiful trigger point shot...but those trigger point shots are full of steroids and...not good for weight loss!

So, I'm trying to ease the pain with hot baths and vicodin. It helps but after the vicodin wears off, I'm back in pain again. Eh well...

Enough whining.

Today, I turn 40.

So, as everyone who actually knows me knows, today, October 7th, is my 40th birthday.

I certainly don't feel 40 in my mind. Heck, mentally I think I'm still about 12 years old. Maybe 16. Absolutely not 40.

Physically, well...that's a totally different story. I think I'm about 80 in the physical feeling sense. I'm getting better (thank you Lyrica!) and I'm working on it but...I'm still all owie when I move, sit, stand, sleep, breathe...

But I digress.

Today, I turn 40. I've lived the past 20 years in a sort of haze and when I think back to my 20th birthday, I wonder just who that girl is that I was. I'm not her anymore even though I sort of miss the her I used to be.

I miss the "up for anything"ness that she had, the joie de vive, the passion for making others happy. I miss all the friendships that she had, the fun and the freedom.

But I don't miss many aspects of her. Things that I have changed in the past 20 years. I am wiser, a bit more knowledgeable in the ways of the world, not as much of a push over...

However, I'm not satisfied with myself. I feel like I've totally wasted the past 20 years. "If I'd only..." sits in my mind, on my lips, in my waking thought.

"If I'd only kept up losing the weight I lost back in '96..."

"If I'd only left that job sooner and taken the other one offered to me..."

"If I'd only watched my money better..."

"If I'd only..."

And yet, so much has changed in 20 years. All 4 of us kids have gotten married, one divorced and married again and another just divorced (so far!). Kids have been born and even a great nephew has come into my life. I'm a Godmother 4 times over. I've gotten married and have accepted that I really am NOT parent material. (LOL)

I've taught Sunday School for longer than these 20 years and I've come to know many kids who, I hope, will always be "my kids" my friends. I've lost good friends and gained others. I've lost parts of me that I never wanted to lose and don't know how to retrieve.

I've seen the death of my beloved Grandpa W, of my first boy-cat, TarBaby, of other much loved kitties...Baby Bo, Rascal, Emmy, Clio and my most beloved Oscar. I've witnessed death of others in my job in the ER. Seen the crashing of lives, the uplifting of others at a birth or death turned away.

And I've faced death myself. I think part of my still feeling like a "child" in my mind is that, I don't want to feel death pressing down on me. I don't want to wake up when I'm 60 and think "well hell, another 20 years wasted!" I don't want to waste these precious years that God has given me.

Now, I just have to figure out what all that means.

And really, today I turn, not just 40 but 4. 4 years ago, I almost died in the Emergency Room. I bled out...I was on the verge of death. The ER Doc didn't know if I'd survive the trip to a city hospital but he knew, without a doubt, I wouldn't survive if they admitted me to the small County hospital where I was.

I keep getting bits and pieces of that day told to me. It still frightens me and somehow it sorta pisses me off. LOL I mean, I was THATCLOSE to going HOME.

But it wasn't time. God has plans for me. I don't know what they are but I do know that they do NOT involve wasting these next 20, 40, and (who knows) maybe 60 years left to me. I refuse to waste them.

So, as I turn both 4 and 40, I pray that God will show me the way. That He will continue to bring me back from my health downturn and help me to live strong.

Because, without Him, I am nothing. With Him? I am everything.

Been awhile, huh?

There really isn't much to report. Just had some thoughts aired on the local news last night. It was pretty cool. Would have been cooler if I'd have been watching and hadn't just heard it from Mom. LOL

Other than that, Nothing new is under my sun. Going with M to get my eyes tested tomorrow. I'm having trouble seeing the computer screen. Have to squint. Same with the TV. Stupid eyes! I can't lose you! How would I read??